I told myself from the start of it that this time there was no putting my heart in it.
These adventures would be all about the fun of it. Yep it’s your turn to hit it and quit it girl run with it.
Your “Good Girl” image get over it. All the bull-ish that people are whispering about, the Hell with it.
No one knew that even with the smile on your face simply covering it, you were quickly losing control of it.
But then you came in as cool as you wanna be.
And though I tried to fight it I allowed your smooth to take control of me.
But just like the song says silly of me… To ever think that we… Especially when you told me you had just been and at this time don’t want to be.
However just as every other fool I thought I had the poison.
Like I was the “Charmed One” who created a magical spell that would ultimately change your emotions.
And just like a fool my voodoo went horribly wrong and here I sit drowned in my tears ocean.
Damn it… Damn it… Damn it… Does anyone remember what I said about it. This wasn’t the place I planned for it. Handing you the key to my heart when I knew you weren’t the man for it.
I heard my heart calling out for you as if the two of you had crossed paths a life time ago.
I fought with my soul attempting to restain it as it ran towards as if you had been gone for so long.
I felt my body yearning for the tender, desiring touch of you as though we endured some event of passion as one.
I enhaled your essence and immediately my eyes closed to search for just a glympse of your face.
I heard your voice and began to recall it like a song that reminded me of a memory that I know longer remembered.
I then withdrew myself from myself to seach for understanding, because it seem as though I have known you forever yet
I surely have never met you. I suddenly listened to a voice speaking ever so gently inquiring…. why do you not remember him? You were created from him… just for him. Instantly the sorrowning memories of those that were sent simply pratice…prepare me… excaped me.
Here he is, the one who I have longed for and adored since the moment I fell in love with being in love!
Maybe it me…
Maybe it’s all my fault…
Maybe it’s Karma from all the ill ish I’ve done before?
Maybe it’s not gonna last much longer, but damn how much longer can it last?
Maybe I deserve it…
Maybe happiness was never in my forecast. Simply tears raining down my cheeks and hurricanes of emotions stirring in my heart!
Maybe I should just let it go…
Maybe I could run away…
Maybe I should disappear because honestly who would miss my presence?
Maybe it will get greater later…
Maybe this is as good as it gets… Just tiny glimpse of love and happiness to keep me chasing after what will never be!
Maybe I should try something new….
Maybe I should try to fix the past…
Maybe I’m the only common denominator in why it never last…
Maybe I coulda smiled more, kept my mouth closed and pretended it was ok until it was…
Maybe I should lose myself, I’m already half way there… I mean who am I anyway…
Maybe it will be ok because you know what they say… Someone always has it worse than you…
Maybe… No really that’s not my concern!!!
Maybe I’ll do what I always do and shut down, hide inside of me until the storm blows over…. But it never does…
You say you wanna man that’s gonna love you unconditionally until the day that forever ends, yet you constantly fall head over hills for the one that has M.O.B tatted on his forehead…
His street fame turns you on beyond your “O” zone and your in love with his attention snatching swag… So why are you so mad when your laying with him & the scent of another woman lingers on the bed spread.
But each time he tells you he’s not ever gonna nor does he wanna be your description of “Mr. Right” who’s the one that you call & comes right when you need him to hold you tight?
He’s just your BESTEST friend you’ve known since boys were yucky… Well expect him. He’s your comforter, your sounding board, your secret keeper til the end.
And he is the definition of an absolutely amazing Man. And you protect his heart more than your own. Constantly reminding everyone around you that you two are JUST FRIENDS!
He’s not the type for you. how could he be right to you? What he’s done for those that never deserved all the things he done he would never do for you! Hell he’s like a brother to you…
Every single time you allow one close to you to get the most of you… They end up erasing you, replacing you, who’s there to put you back together with his true love glue?
Yep him, that’s who! The one the you unconsciously described time after time as your Knight in Shining Armor, who will one days sweep you off your feet. Has been waiting patently for to recognize he is and always has been the man to fill that seat.
Heartbreak after Heartache, he is your souls medicine man… There to heal you… Yet you fail to see that he us exactly what you need him to be….
I heard a young woman say “Your no longer beautiful”. So I turned around because I know I’ve heard the voice of that chick before, but I instantly realized I was in an empty room crowded by my utter insecurities.
I tried hard to run and hide from the fact that I’m no longer the woman that I previously knew. But my soul yanked back & forced me to face myself.
Mirror, Mirror… Yep that’s all I’ve got. I’m not feeling like the fairest, finest, or flyest. So my question to the image that’s I’m staring at that’s staring back at me is….. where did I go?
Unable to become comfortable in my own skin because I’ve given others the ability to mold me into their perfect image of me. Not realizing I could never be anything other than the young lady that is currently missing.
I know that we love to say that self esteem comes from ones self, yet when we love we give up “self” to become “we” therefore the constant heartbreak I’ve suffered subtracted me from we & divided my self esteem until it no longer existed.
So at my lowest of low I have to fall in love with me… Perfectly complex, with all of my imperfections.
Some if not most concentrate on the material things. They are constantly attempting to figure out the next step to get them closer to their Billion dollar mark?
Thinking to themselves damn, did they peep the my new shoes & the outfit to match that cost more than your car note. And speaking of cars, well lets not even touch that part.
However you have those that could care less about the value of your jeans & care everything about the love in your heart! Their main focus & concern is can I be with he/she for the rest of my life? Those that will walk away from material things to gain priceless true love.
What’s rich to you may be poor to me. Therefore you need to be sure that you understand what one values before you begin to consider them one of your true prize possessions.