Archive | February 2014

They Don’t Miss A Good Thing Til It’s Gone…. Really?

We have all had our heart broken a time or two or seventeen right? So I’m sure someone has told you “they don’t miss a good thing til it’s gone”. But my question to that is why? Why must I be gone to be appreciated? Why does it take to break me down to see the good in me? Why is it when I move on and have given all my love to someone else you thirst so much for me? Well I am here to break it down so that it can forever and always be broke.

I going to have to take you on a journey from a broken heart to a mended heart for some ground work. There was once a good guy, trying to be great. But along the way he made some serious mistakes. And Instead of allowing those mistakes to make him he choose to allow them to grow him. While making these mistakes he met a young lady who instead of growing with him she choose to attempt to stunt his growth because of his mistakes. So after years of fighting against one another he couldn’t take anymore and he left. With his broken heart shattered like glass in his hands he walked away and to begin to heal.
Now he is growing into a great man and and his heart is mending and he’s ready to place his fragile heart in the hands of another woman.

We all knows the next few steps. If you are honest… Let me repeat IF YOU ARE HONEST… You don’t just tell what they did you also tell what you did. You express that you are serious about wanting to find love and you have grown from the mistakes you’ve made. Then that person makes the choice to attempt to grow with you and sooner or later you two are a couple.

Here’s where it gets interesting… Somehow some way that ex that choose not to forgive, that choose not to see the love in your heart, that choose not to be ready to be ready for what you wanted finds out that you’re trying love again. So you get a call, a text, or maybe even a inbox on Facebook like “Hey… Ummm I haven’t heard from you in a while and just wanted to say hello” (Look at my face 😏).

We all know what that means they know your happy. They know someone is getting at the least what you used to give them if not more. There is a girl cooking for you, adoring you, allowing you to be that great man that you wanted to be. There is a guy that is giving you all of the attention that you desire, who is busy making moves to be great but NEVER too busy for you. Somebody they know saw you holding hands with your new love and you had the nerve to look happy! Who do you think you are.

Now it hits them… That thing… That imaginary thing… That silly thing… That thing that they never told you they wanted and/or needed was in you all along. But wait…. You’re giving it to someone else. Now they are ready to have you all to themselves. They don’t miss a good thing til it’s gone.

They are reaching out to you more and more. They tell you look I know I hurt you. I know I said that I couldn’t forgive you. I know I said I wasn’t ready but I just didn’t know. And I wish that I knew then what I know now. They don’t miss a good thing til it’s gone.

They want you to understand that in real life it wasn’t you it was them. They have been going through it since you left. In their hearts they know that don’t NOBODY do it like you. They don’t miss a good thing til it’s gone.

Most people as I said before are sitting there thinking WHY. Well let me tell you why. They’re selfish, arrogant and completely full of themselves. They don’t want you, they simply don’t want someone else to have you. To them they are thinking in their minds I made him the man he is. I taught her how to love. They never did that with me. So now that they are on the outside holding the hand of misery and they want you to come and join the pity party. So go ahead and be the fool and go back if you want you. And you will see they never missed the good thing that was gone the simply wanted to prove you were never good from the begin!

The REAL DEAL about “side chicks”

There is no easy way to say this but here it is… Ladies we have all been a “side chick” whether it was voluntarily or involuntarily. Let’s just keep it real. It could have been when we were young and dumb, older and desperate or simply blinded by the love, sex and/or money just to name a few.

So I’ll start with the young and dumb. Somewhere somebody told a young girl that being a “side chick” has benefits. The men come to you because whoever he’s with is not satisfying him in one way or another. Therefore, you get to be his “place of peace” or his “get away” doing the things that he never gets at home or even when things aren’t right at home. Because of this you get a bill or two paid, a few outfits and maybe even a nice bag… Maybe! Sometimes you guys even go for a ride (far away from where either of you live) and have a night out. And IF and only IF You play your cards right he will leave his home, (where there may even be children) and make your house his new spot!

Let’s look at another example. You’re out with your girls and you meet a guy. You’re not thinking too much into it but you two exchange numbers. You talk to him over the phone for the next few weeks and you guys even go out for drinks and maybe even to the movies. He tells you how refreshing you are because his “last” situation was a mess. Then you become friends on social media and you realize that there is this one particular woman posting or commenting on everything everywhere. But hey you guys are just kicking it and he told you he was single. The two of you are getting closer and closer, hanging out, staying the night together… even out and about together. Then BOMB! It’s 1:40 in the morning. The two of you have spent the whole day together. Your cell rings and there’s a woman’s voice on the other end asking for the man you’re laying next to!

Or let’s say you know a guy and maybe even at least know of his wife or woman. But he never has a good word to say about her. You and this man have been cool, associates or friends for sometime now and maybe you’ve even seen his wife act a monkey a time or six. He confides in you that he wants to leave but he “doesn’t want to hurt her or their family”. So at first you guys are just hanging out (maybe with groups of people) and you are just there to listen and be a friend. But this man, a good man by your standards deserves a good woman, a better woman and you tell him that. And soon you become that woman… More than just a listener but now also a lover. Knowing that he’s married or with someone and has a family, yet you are yearning to replace this woman and build a better empire and treat him the way that he deserves to be treated.

There are so many more instances in which women can become “side chicks”. It is not a black thing or an age thing to be honest being a side anything is not just a woman thing, but for whatever reason (clears throat) it seems that women have been put on blast about the issue… A man or woman could be or could have a side anything. Some people need their 80% and also are constantly in search to fulfill the 20%.

Some are afraid to be alone so they are willing to jump from one relationship to another searching for something but truly have no idea what it is. Others want to play captain save’em and show that the one that they want is really out there. Or some actually meet a person and somehow, some way that person buries the entire existence of their current situation and plants themselves into your life attempting to grow with you.

But regardless of how it happens you my lady are considered to be the SIDE CHICK…. Voluntarily or Involuntarily… It is what it is. 😕😏

We Are Simply Related

You know how the old saying goes, something like… blood is thicker than water. So please explain to me how that same blood that bonds us stops a man from being a father to his daughter.

Is that thin water the reason that my tears are invisible? And why is it when it’s my turn to talk my message is so undeliverable?

I understand you were and are the best you that you know how to be. But how dare you get upset when all that I’m doing is being me.

You hurt me more than you will ever know and you are my mother… Father… Sister… Brother… Yet you fail to understand that titles won’t ever make us closer to one another.

And yes I love and I forgive you but I choose to stay away. Not because I’m holding on but because you really haven’t changed and things are always your way or no way.

As a child I had no choice but to take it, to live the way we lived. But as a woman I have the option to decide to what and to whom the energy that I give.

Family doesn’t do something for you and then have to tell everyone they did it. Family doesn’t beg you to tell your deepest darkest secret then run with it and expose it.

Drama is always the dish of the day no matter the time or the place. Talking about me behind my back and jumping all up in my face.

Then you have the audacity to get mad when I defend myself. Do you think I’m going to continue to allow you to deplete my mental and emotional wealth?

Nope not at all and not even with a heavy heart. I have friends bound to me by love that have fulfilled the family part.

So while you think that blood makes of us family and I just have to accept and take it. In my mind all that blood does is simply make us related.

How Can They Tell You?

In today’s world most people seem to be gaining all of their knowledge from Facebook and Instagram. Seriously, from how to dress to how to become a man’s wife. Whatever happening to living and learning? But instead of stepping out and attempting to do things on their people would rather google it. This is maddening!

Honestly who are they anyway? What are their credentials? What makes them an expert? Think about it… The girl that’s talking about “this is how you keep your man happy” has either NEVER been in a relationship that last more than three months, has six kids by seven different dudes or actually not even into men.

The guy that’s talking about “all I do is get money” can only communicate through social media because he’s stealing his neighbors wifi seeing that his cell actually been off for the last six months, is three years behind in child support but has four pair of true religion jeans and some how is always the first in line when the new J’s come out and lives with his parents but tells the ladies he has “roommates”.

But yet you hang on their every word like their some sort of life coach or Guru. Stop it! You are one of a kind, you are the exception to the rule. They can’t tell you how to live your life unless you let them. Have they been through life exactly how you have? Have they been hurt like you have or struggled in anyway like you have? So who in the HELL are they to tell you how to love, how to live, how to learn? It’s not that serous people it’s just entrainment.

He Can’t be Serious (Part 8)

Carrie walked Nori to the door. Listen I understand that you guys don’t want to deal with DaVaughn but I still want to be a part of your lives. You ladies are so it I mean you are everything. Me or us, Carrie questioned chasing after something that she had no idea wasn’t there. Nori knew that Carrie was feeling him but he fell hard for Austin the first night they was her at the club working. Of course I mean all of you he said trying to dodge the question. Carrie quickly gathered herself realizing that he wasn’t at all interested. Oh ummm, do you think that you or Toni can take me home? When I made Vaughn leave I wasn’t really thinking about getting home. Yeah sure let me get my keys.

Carrie and Nori hopped into her drop top Chevy Camero and headed towards the school. The guys still lived close to campus, part of the reason being that DaVaughn liked having close access to the incoming freshman. So Nori how long have you been into Aussie? Yeah that’s right, I know and yes I still have a crush on you despite of! Nori was floored. He sat there with his mouth wide not having any idea what to say. Sooo… Are you going to answer me or nah? I know that what you wanted to do today was come in and snitch on your best friend, your roommate and cousin, but we kind of foiled that by putting her out of your reach. That’s some sucka type if I’ve never seen it before. And then you have the nerve to be calling that girl telling her all of his business like a creep? Wow I’m so not into you because I like men, not cowards like you. You better be glad I didn’t blow up your spot at the house, you better be glad because you know we will jump you, you better be glad that I don’t pull the hell over right now and put  your dumb ass out my car! Carrie was hot and she wanted him to know that she knew. Okay okay okay dang Carrie I’m sorry. I just wanted to help, seriously! And yes I love Austin… I mean love like in LOVE but I know that he’s my cousin so I could never. I just wanted to make things right for her. I want her to be happy and though I know it will never be with me I’m sure it will never be with Vaughn either, you feel me? Yeah, Carrie allowed the word to slip through her lips and from that point they rode in silence.

Nori knows for sure that he could never be what he wants to be to Austin. All he has is the memory of their first encounter. He and DaVaughn was going to meet some of their homeboys at the stripe club and hang out. They walked in and tried to find their friend in the cool chaos. As they walked around searching Nori caught a glance of a girl, a beauty walking through the club. He gravitated towards her as though something had take over his feet. He reached out to her but couldn’t speak. Umm hello sir she said with a smile. Hey hello hi, you are absolutely stunningly, breathtaking! Damn I can’t even speak. Would you like a dance or are you just going to hold my hand like we’re going steady. Yeah a dance, that would be great. I want a private one. That will be $300. Damn, well I guess right here is fine. And for the next hour he ended up paying her $200+. After dancing for Nori she went to the dressing room, showered and headed out. Nori, DaVaughn and their friends were in the parking lot. Nori said, goodnight Emotions, which was her stage name, and just that quick DaVaughn was all over her. After he approached her Nori knew that he had no chance.

Carrie pulled up to the boys apartment building. Well, thanks for the ride and really thanks for not putting me out there. I just want her to be treated well and as much dirt as I see Vaughn do I know that he’s not nowhere near good enough for her. And please let me say that I think you’re amazing and I wouldn’t be deserving of you or Aussie. You ladies are real women and I’m just blessed to have you all as friends you know. No problem Nori and I appreciate your apology. We are still cool and you are always welcome to come kick it or whatever. Thanks for seeing us as women and thanks for having my girl’s back. Nori got out the car and Carrie took off and headed home. Damn, she thought to herself. This mess is going to get a lot worst before it gets better.

He Can’t be Serious (Part 7)

Austin was finally resting comfortably in bed with a clear mind when of course her phone rang. She reached under her pillow and pressed the ignore button. He has nothing coming from me. I’m done, like all the way done. I can’t believe that I was giving that man husband benefits and I didn’t even have girlfriend options. She had so many feeling of disgust in her heart that she couldn’t even be hurt. She prayed to God…. Lord please give me the strength to heal from this hurt. I know that I have prayed for you to remove him a few times before but when you blessed me with what I asked for I turned around and blocked my own blessing. So Lord I beg you now please reign your peace down on me and allow me to hide my heart in You so that next man that I give husband benefits to is actually my husband. I’m done with love Lord until you say that I’m ready, in Jesus Name Amen.

She reached for her phone to check the time and saw that Ravel was her missed call. Okay Jesus please give me strength you and I only now my true feelings. She called her childhood bestie back, hey Charles Ravel Jenkins! She was so overwhelmed with emotion to be talking to him because she knew that she could tell him anything and never ever be judged. What’s going on with you lil momma, tell me something good? They had not talked in years before his call earlier today but they did not miss a beat, it was like they talked everyday for the past 2 and a half years but in reality they haven’t spoken in about 5. Well where should I start… I just got cheated on for my roommate’s sisters, I graduate in a few weeks… Whoa whoa whoa what? Did you say sisters, with an S, like plural? Seriously? How do you always get mixed up with the worst of the worst? I promise I am taking responsibility I just have to figure out what is about me that makes a man want to cheat, Austin admitted.

Caesar could not believe his ears. Who said you were to blame? Yeah we all have to be responsible for the parts that we play in every relationship, but let me give you a little insight. Guys that you date know that you’re a good woman because you show your cards early. You believe in being honest from the beginning and though most dudes aren’t ready to settle down they want to hold on to you for when they are. What they seem to forget is you may be forgiving but you are far from gullible or stupid. They don’t know where you come from and how you grew up even if you tell them. So you can’t put it all on yourself, just know your worth and don’t settle for less angel okay?

Thanks for the pep talk bestie! She giggled and he did too. I miss you man maybe I could fly down for your graduation and hang out for a couple of days. That would be so awesome you could come to my ummm job and hang out too. What’s the ummm about you must be down there shaking it, he said jokingly. Well… Yeah pretty much. I love it though and I work three to four days a week and because I bring the club in so much money I work when I want. Hey I’m not knocking your hustle babe make that money but remember who you are. I promise you I’ll never forget and I can’t wait to see you. Okay Austin I’ll let you rest, I can’t wait to see you either. They hung up and Austin drifted off to sleep.

He can’t be serious (Part 6)

The girls parted the door and allowed Nori entrance. We are not talking in here Toni demanded. Austin has had enough in the last 24 hours and she WILL relax today. Carrie suggested that they go on the patio in the back. They walked through the living room that was decked with a cream microfiber and tan leather sectional, a cherrywood entertainment center with a 54 inch plasma television and high-tech sound system, accented so well with pewter framed photos of the girls, their family and friends. Austin’s porcelain dolls were displayed on top of the entertainment center, Carrie’s Barbie dolls were incased in the pewter and glass trunk that doubled as the coffee table and on top was Toni’s crystal figurines.

Each room that was a common area had a touch of the ladies. And one thing was certain they did not live like college students. If you were on the outside looking in you would think they came from money but that was far for the truth. Toni, the oldest of 3 girls born and raised Detroit worked as a nurses assistant 40 plus hours a week since she got to Atlanta. Carrie, and only child born in Tennessee and raised in Philadelphia worked as a supervisor of a call center working almost everyday. She started working part time as a compliance rep and worked her way up. Austin, the baby of 5 born and raised in Cleveland, Ohioo, worked at a sports bar until she won the amateur night at the club and since then became one of the clubs top dancers.

As they exited the kitchen to reach the patio Carrie and Toni sat on the lounge chair and Nori stood nervously in front of them. So spit it out dude because your boy has some… Look Toni I’m not with what he did to her or you guys either and I’m about to tell it all. The girls looked at Nori shocked and confused, is he about to violate the “man law”? Are you snitching, Toni frowned. Give him a chance to speak Toni, God! Carrie tried to do her best to back Nori up. Definitely not snitching but I am not going to continue to sit back and watch him hurt her using the fact that she dances as a excuse. I know everything and I’m telling it all. We all know that she is 100% faithful to him and she never lied to him from day one and he’s been a dog since before that day. They all kind of giggled knowing that Nori was telling the truth.

Toni sorry to tell you but he’s been banging your sisters since we meet them last year. Shyra is all the way bad with it, but he got Reagan too. When they came here for Thanksgiving last year DaVaughn was all in Shyra’s ear and by the time dinner was over she had his number in her phone and they were texting while you guys were putting up the tree. Then he danced with Reagan at the club and by the third song they were in the bathroom. Your sisters be bustin it open dawg! All Toni could do was shake her head. Wow, I’m in total shock, Carrie said hanging on Nori’s every word. Oh and he still mess with his baby’s momma! The girls looked at each other as though their wheels were turning. Dang, haven’t I heard something like that before.