Knotted Up Soul

Most of us were told to save ourselves until we were married. And for a few of us it worked. However, for the majority of us we wanted that thing that all of our friends claimed that they were doing and at that point we couldn’t do without. Whether we didn’t want to but fell into peer pressure or were simply curious we began to tie our souls to others.

My first time I was young and needing attention from someone. So who better to give me to the one guy who said he adored me so much. But before it was even over I knew that something didn’t feel right. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it at the time because my mind was young and my soul even younger. So BAM! The first knot in my soul, choking my growth mentally, spiritually, emotionally and sexually. I knew that I felt smothered but I couldn’t figure out why so my search began.

From that point I searched for someone that could untie me and release me, not knowing that I was cutting off my circulation which each failed attempted. Years went on and by the of my twenties my soul needed to be put on life support. I checked out emotionally and spiritually and was honestly ready to give up!

Instead I went to the spiritual hospital… The place that most of know as church. I wore a jogging suit, some timberland and a hat, because I was ready for whatever. As the choir sang I began to feel the torment of all of the knots which I had tied within my souls to so many others. The pain brought me to my knees and I crawled to the alter. The people of Hod began to stretch their hands towards me and a few came and laid their hands upon me. The music stopped and I felt God for the first time in so long that I almost didn’t even recognize Him.

As I laid on the alter I realized that the space that I was attempting to fill in the flesh actually stemmed from the knots cutting me off at the soul. And with each soul tie I was pushing myself away from the most fulfilling relationship I would ever know. So I asked the Father to forgive me and prayed for help and healing. I got up from the alter, wiped my tears and began to praise God for what He did, what He was doing and what He was going to do. The knots that I had attempted to release myself from for years and years began to unravel and my spirit took its first deep breath.

I would be a complete liar if I told you that I stopped searching and/or having knots tied in my soul. But it was fewer than before AND I realized the damage that I was causing. So instead of looking for a feeling a began to search for forever. I even gave up on sexual healing for 2 and a half years. But man the flesh is weak… I mean WEAK! I strengthen my relationship with God and stepped out of the way and allowed Him to answer my prayers. God blessed me with an amazing man who sought me out as I was seeking Him!

So I say all of this to say… We can try and try and try to undo the damage that we cause but until we find the strength to give it to God it’s not going to work….

Sincerely,
Andrea