Archive | April 2014

R. I. P. to that girl I used to be.

I’m going to get straight to the point…. I used to be a mess. I mean HOT MESS! And I know that but I am willing to admit it. To me it is a part of growing up and is what helped to sculpt the woman that I am today. However some people want to act as though their lives are squeaky clean when they are right next to me doing ALL THE DIRT (don’t worry, I won’t name names). I am not ashamed of the things that I did. Instead I choose to be grateful for the lessons that I received from my past.

As the old saying goes if you ask a girl how many men she had sex with and she gives you a number, you’re suppose to double it. I say mind your DAYUM business. It’s no ones business but mine and God who I slept with. I’ve been tested and thank The Lord He decided to keep me with a clean bill of health during my dirty past. I will say this though I regret many of my sexual partners not because the sex was bad, but because I was looking for love and yet settling for sex. And after a while it made me detach myself from sex all together. And now the woman that I am has to fight not to connect sex with hurt as a did when I was a girl.

You ask have I been a “side chick”? Yep sure have and I thought for sure that guy was going to leave his wife for me…. He did and then got a girl pregnant while we were together. How dare I think that how I got him wouldn’t be the way that I lost him. See the girl that I was wanted something real and honestly I felt that the only way that I would have it would be to take it… WRONG because that mess broke me down to my lowest low and I only had God in my corner. But that situation knocked that girl to her knees and made me a praying woman.

As a girl I would go from five to five million in three seconds flat. I would fight boys, girls, football teams or whoever (those of you who were there knows exactly what I’m talking about šŸ™ˆ). I would cuss you out quick and did not care who you were or what consequences I faced. Now don’t get me wrong it is a struggle as a woman not to check EVERYBODY. But what I learned from being the “girl they knew would flip” is that people want you to flip and do their dirty work. Nope, not anymore… I will tell you in a minute call the police on their behind. Every once and a while I will get somebody together but I don’t have to put my hands on them. If I have to I will verbally assault you and your feeling without one curse word or raising my voice with a smile on my face. Being that girl that would flip taught me as a woman to pick my battles wisely and that ignoring certain things doesn’t make me a punk.

These are just a few things that the girl I used to be would do. But there is plenty more where that came from. I’m sure you get the picture though. I lived, I learned and I love the woman that I am. So R. I. P. to that girl I used to be!