You Can’t be Serious (Chapter 15)

So he woke up with her beautiful face buried in  his chest. It took everything in him not to make love to this woman, his one true love, his happily ever after. But, he didn’t want to be used to get over the hurt and damage she just suffered. She snored softly and he painted kisses on her forehead as she slept. She whined and whimpered as if she may have been reliving the mornings festivities, and he pulled her in closer, just enough to allow her to feel him, but not to wake her. Soft 90’s R&B played in the background and at that moment he knew he was in the right place. He smiled, which he had not done in a very long time and he just knew.

What are you smiling for, Austin’s sleepy voice broke his train of thought. This just feels good. Yeah, I know right, I just know, she agreed. His eyes bucked, and he attempted to gather himself. She giggled, yeah that was so smooth Ravel! What do you know, he went straight in, no need to play games, he sat up and she made the necessary adjustments to look him in his eyes. I know that I’ve loved you since I couldn’t stand you, I know that I’ve compared every man that I’ve ever been with to you, even the one I almost married, and they never could compare. The crazy thing, she went on, is that I didn’t even know what I was comparing them to until today. Guys would tell me I was too clingy, or needy, or spoiled, or my mouth is too fly, and I’m too independent, and/or I was too quick to be like yeah I’m done with you. But today, I realized, you set the bar babe. Even at the age of 14 these grown men can’t compare. I do love you back, I am in love with you back, I just didn’t know it until today. She moved closer and the charge of their energy sparkled like diamonds in the rough. His eyes were closed but tears seeped out of the creases. Austin, you don’t have to say that if you don’t mean it, he choked out. She kissed his tears but I do, I mean it with my entire all. The right side of his lip curled up into a smile, he shook his head and pulled her to him. No sex until we are married Angel, okay? And without hesitation, she said okay.

A few hours later the two woke and went downstairs to be apart of the rest of the world. Ladies, Caesar said entering the living room area where the Carrie and Toni watched television. They both looked down at he and Austin’s fingers intertwined with one another’s. He paid them no mind, now like I was saying a few hours again, he continued on, hair, nails, make up, shoes, I know y’all got major work that y’all want done, so what’s the move. Toni took the bait, I do need to hit the mall for shoes and to find a bomb lippie! Oh and I think I’m going to take my dress back and get something else, plus I have to go get my sisters from the airport. Carrie’s eyes widen, they’re coming, well where are they gonna stay, she said with disgust in her tone. All of this mess is because of them two heffas, they ain’t… They can stay right here, Austin cut her right off. They are family and it is our job to make sure they become great women. Yeah okay, Carrie stated oozing sarcasm, until one or both of them are all up on your, your, your him. Damn, you’re just going to talk about my sisters like I’m not standing right here, Toni blazed out. They are all of our sisters, we have to sit them down and talk to them. It is our job to help Toni raise the into women. They have been through a lot, let’s try to do our best to keep them from making the dumb ass mistakes we made. Now am I going to let them have it? Abso-freaking-lutely! But we are three women, that have overcome some crazy issues and obstacles to be about to walk that stage and get those diplomas. They need to see us do that, graduate from college and walk into the world as successful black women. I’ve forgiven them and I love them and it’s all because I realized that I love him. Toni and Carrie snapped their laser focused eyes from Caesar to Austin, but she did not falter.

I know it may sounds crazy, but I’m seeing things so clear now, you two could only imagine. Caesar gently tightened the grip on her hand and smiled. So ladies, are you ready to roll, because I know this is going to be a long day and then only one day of rest until the big day. As they rode in the car to the mall a silent peace fail over the group. When they pulled up to the mall Austin and Toni decided to go shoe shopping. Well ladies, Caesar sighed, I am going to leave that adventure up to you. He went to go the other way, ummm new brother, I think I will go with you if you don’t mind. Sure, actually I would enjoy some one on one time with my new found family. Ravel do not go off spoiling her, okay, Austin shot a fake mean face at him and she and Toni disappeared out of sight. So, what do you want, Carrie said straight-faced, in momma bear mode? Like, you come down here and for what? She told you what was going on and you came down here to play captain save’em, you needed somewhere to stay, you running from something or what? He was taken aback, but so smooth with his response. Listen Carrie, I am not broke by any standards, I own several poetry cafe’s across the U.S. and a few in the Virgin Islands, before then I was a marketing consultant and I still do some marketing and advertisement independently. At that moment he turned to her with a kind of smug look on his face and said Google me and kept walking. She stopped dead in her tracks, but he kept going. Carrie doubled timed it to catch back up him. She fell into step with Caesar, so why does she call you Charles Ravel? Because that is my name, Caesar is the name I gave to myself, I decided to reinvent myself  because of some things I did growing up. But whether I am Caesar or Charles Ravel, I love her, I have loved her since I was 14 and I don’t care who she is with or what she is going through I will always love her. Though I plan on being the last one she is ever with. So how do you plan on doing that, he looked at the mother cub roommate and said, like this. She followed his eyes as they stopped in front of Bvlgari. Can you help me pick out her ring?


Dear Ex of mine

I just wanted to simply take the time out to thank you for all that you have done for me. Yes you read right, thank you! We went through a lot and though it did not last what we had truly taught me some things. There were lessons and blessing in our time spent and I just wanted to give you the thanks that you deserved… So here goes.

First I would like to thank you for showing me what real love is. Meaning it is truly something unconditional with no limitations and most important no judgement. When a person is truly in love they will do what it takes to make time for the one that they love, no matter how busy they are or what they have going on in their lives.

So thanks for NOT doing any of this! You wanted me to be with you without you being with me, which gave me so much time to analyze what we didn’t have. You were selfish, judgmental and arrogant. And to be honest you showed me your true colors from day one. It was my own foolishness that made me think that I had some special quality that could magically change your contrast.

Also, thank you for experimenting with my heart as if I was some sort of emotional testing lab. We mixed our dangerous chemistry in a beaker knowing that the only possible result… A volatile explosion of words and actions erupting and causing anguish to the both of us.

Also thanks so much for exposing my flaws and weaknesses because I honestly did not or at least refused to see them in myself. Yep I admit that my mouth is smart and yet I can be an emotional wreck. I am spoiled and yet I can’t stand asking someone to do something for me! So because of your amazing observations I’ve made some changes. I’ve learned that sometimes it is a necessity that I SHUT UP and control my emotions not allow them to control me. I’m still spoiled but I hey I don’t like sharing! I realize that as a woman must learn to sit down and allow a man to stand as such. But what I did figure out is that if a man is my man if I NEED something I don’t have to ask because my man knows.

Thanks for breaking me down to my break pads so that I could be rebuilt and renewed. Now I am better, stronger, wiser and most of all loved. See I knew that even though you told me that what I wanted wasn’t realistic I would find it if I refuse to give up. If I refused to accept less than what I knew that I deserved. So thank you for redirecting my focus to what I really wanted. Thanks for everything!

Your Ex

They Don’t Miss A Good Thing Til It’s Gone…. Really?

We have all had our heart broken a time or two or seventeen right? So I’m sure someone has told you “they don’t miss a good thing til it’s gone”. But my question to that is why? Why must I be gone to be appreciated? Why does it take to break me down to see the good in me? Why is it when I move on and have given all my love to someone else you thirst so much for me? Well I am here to break it down so that it can forever and always be broke.

I going to have to take you on a journey from a broken heart to a mended heart for some ground work. There was once a good guy, trying to be great. But along the way he made some serious mistakes. And Instead of allowing those mistakes to make him he choose to allow them to grow him. While making these mistakes he met a young lady who instead of growing with him she choose to attempt to stunt his growth because of his mistakes. So after years of fighting against one another he couldn’t take anymore and he left. With his broken heart shattered like glass in his hands he walked away and to begin to heal.
Now he is growing into a great man and and his heart is mending and he’s ready to place his fragile heart in the hands of another woman.

We all knows the next few steps. If you are honest… Let me repeat IF YOU ARE HONEST… You don’t just tell what they did you also tell what you did. You express that you are serious about wanting to find love and you have grown from the mistakes you’ve made. Then that person makes the choice to attempt to grow with you and sooner or later you two are a couple.

Here’s where it gets interesting… Somehow some way that ex that choose not to forgive, that choose not to see the love in your heart, that choose not to be ready to be ready for what you wanted finds out that you’re trying love again. So you get a call, a text, or maybe even a inbox on Facebook like “Hey… Ummm I haven’t heard from you in a while and just wanted to say hello” (Look at my face ­čśĆ).

We all know what that means they know your happy. They know someone is getting at the least what you used to give them if not more. There is a girl cooking for you, adoring you, allowing you to be that great man that you wanted to be. There is a guy that is giving you all of the attention that you desire, who is busy making moves to be great but NEVER too busy for you. Somebody they know saw you holding hands with your new love and you had the nerve to look happy! Who do you think you are.

Now it hits them… That thing… That imaginary thing… That silly thing… That thing that they never told you they wanted and/or needed was in you all along. But wait…. You’re giving it to someone else. Now they are ready to have you all to themselves. They don’t miss a good thing til it’s gone.

They are reaching out to you more and more. They tell you look I know I hurt you. I know I said that I couldn’t forgive you. I know I said I wasn’t ready but I just didn’t know. And I wish that I knew then what I know now. They don’t miss a good thing til it’s gone.

They want you to understand that in real life it wasn’t you it was them. They have been going through it since you left. In their hearts they know that don’t NOBODY do it like you. They don’t miss a good thing til it’s gone.

Most people as I said before are sitting there thinking WHY. Well let me tell you why. They’re selfish, arrogant and completely full of themselves. They don’t want you, they simply don’t want someone else to have you. To them they are thinking in their minds I made him the man he is. I taught her how to love. They never did that with me. So now that they are on the outside holding the hand of misery and they want you to come and join the pity party. So go ahead and be the fool and go back if you want you. And you will see they never missed the good thing that was gone the simply wanted to prove you were never good from the begin!

He Can’t be Serious (Part 8)

Carrie walked Nori to the door. Listen I understand that you guys don’t want to deal with DaVaughn but I still want to be a part of your lives. You ladies are so it I mean you are everything. Me or us, Carrie questioned chasing after something that she had no idea wasn’t there. Nori knew that Carrie was feeling him but he fell hard for Austin the first night they was her at the club working. Of course I mean all of you he said trying to dodge the question. Carrie quickly gathered herself realizing that he wasn’t at all interested. Oh ummm, do you think that you or Toni can take me home? When I made Vaughn leave I wasn’t really thinking about getting home. Yeah sure let me get my keys.

Carrie and Nori hopped into her drop top Chevy Camero and headed towards the school. The guys still lived close to campus, part of the reason being that DaVaughn liked having close access to the incoming freshman. So Nori how long have you been into Aussie? Yeah that’s right, I know and yes I still have a crush on you despite of! Nori was floored. He sat there with his mouth wide not having any idea what to say. Sooo… Are you going to answer me or nah? I know that what you wanted to do today was come in and snitch on your best friend, your roommate and cousin, but we kind of foiled that by putting her out of your reach. That’s some sucka type if I’ve never seen it before. And then you have the nerve to be calling that girl telling her all of his business like a creep? Wow I’m so not into you because I like men, not cowards like you. You better be glad I didn’t blow up your spot at the house, you better be glad because you know we will jump you, you better be glad that I don’t pull the hell over right now and put  your dumb ass out my car! Carrie was hot and she wanted him to know that she knew. Okay okay okay dang Carrie I’m sorry. I just wanted to help, seriously! And yes I love Austin… I mean love like in LOVE but I know that he’s my cousin so I could never. I just wanted to make things right for her. I want her to be happy and though I know it will never be with me I’m sure it will never be with Vaughn either, you feel me? Yeah, Carrie allowed the word to slip through her lips and from that point they rode in silence.

Nori knows for sure that he could never be what he wants to be to Austin. All he has is the memory of their first encounter. He and DaVaughn was going to meet some of their homeboys at the stripe club and hang out. They walked in and tried to find their friend in the cool chaos. As they walked around searching Nori caught a glance of a girl, a beauty walking through the club. He gravitated towards her as though something had take over his feet. He reached out to her but couldn’t speak. Umm hello sir she said with a smile. Hey hello hi, you are absolutely stunningly, breathtaking! Damn I can’t even speak. Would you like a dance or are you just going to hold my hand like we’re going steady. Yeah a dance, that would be great. I want a private one. That will be $300. Damn, well I guess right here is fine. And for the next hour he ended up paying her $200+. After dancing for Nori she went to the dressing room, showered and headed out. Nori, DaVaughn and their friends were in the parking lot. Nori said, goodnight Emotions, which was her stage name, and just that quick DaVaughn was all over her. After he approached her Nori knew that he had no chance.

Carrie pulled up to the boys apartment building. Well, thanks for the ride and really thanks for not putting me out there. I just want her to be treated well and as much dirt as I see Vaughn do I know that he’s not nowhere near good enough for her. And please let me say that I think you’re amazing and I wouldn’t be deserving of you or Aussie. You ladies are real women and I’m just blessed to have you all as friends you know. No problem Nori and I appreciate your apology. We are still cool and you are always welcome to come kick it or whatever. Thanks for seeing us as women and thanks for having my girl’s back. Nori got out the car and Carrie took off and headed home. Damn, she thought to herself. This mess is going to get a lot worst before it gets better.

He Can’t be Serious (Part 7)

Austin was finally resting comfortably in bed with a clear mind when of course her phone rang. She reached under her pillow and pressed the ignore button. He has nothing coming from me. I’m done, like all the way done. I can’t believe that I was giving that man husband benefits and I didn’t even have girlfriend options. She had so many feeling of disgust in her heart that she couldn’t even be hurt. She prayed to God…. Lord please give me the strength to heal from this hurt. I know that I have prayed for you to remove him a few times before but when you blessed me with what I asked for I turned around and blocked my own blessing. So Lord I beg you now please reign your peace down on me and allow me to hide my heart in You so that next man that I give husband benefits to is actually my husband. I’m done with love Lord until you say that I’m ready, in Jesus Name Amen.

She reached for her phone to check the time and saw that Ravel was her missed call. Okay Jesus please give me strength you and I only now my true feelings. She called her childhood bestie back, hey Charles Ravel Jenkins! She was so overwhelmed with emotion to be talking to him because she knew that she could tell him anything and never ever be judged. What’s going on with you lil momma, tell me something good? They had not talked in years before his call earlier today but they did not miss a beat, it was like they talked everyday for the past 2 and a half years but in reality they haven’t spoken in about 5. Well where should I start… I just got cheated on for my roommate’s sisters, I graduate in a few weeks… Whoa whoa whoa what? Did you say sisters, with an S, like plural? Seriously? How do you always get mixed up with the worst of the worst? I promise I am taking responsibility I just have to figure out what is about me that makes a man want to cheat, Austin admitted.

Caesar could not believe his ears. Who said you were to blame? Yeah we all have to be responsible for the parts that we play in every relationship, but let me give you a little insight. Guys that you date know that you’re a good woman because you show your cards early. You believe in being honest from the beginning and though most dudes aren’t ready to settle down they want to hold on to you for when they are. What they seem to forget is you may be forgiving but you are far from gullible or stupid. They don’t know where you come from and how you grew up even if you tell them. So you can’t put it all on yourself, just know your worth and don’t settle for less angel okay?

Thanks for the pep talk bestie! She giggled and he did too. I miss you man maybe I could fly down for your graduation and hang out for a couple of days. That would be so awesome you could come to my ummm job and hang out too. What’s the ummm about you must be down there shaking it, he said jokingly. Well… Yeah pretty much. I love it though and I work three to four days a week and because I bring the club in so much money I work when I want. Hey I’m not knocking your hustle babe make that money but remember who you are. I promise you I’ll never forget and I can’t wait to see you. Okay Austin I’ll let you rest, I can’t wait to see you either. They hung up and Austin drifted off to sleep.

He can’t be serious (Part 6)

The girls parted the door and allowed Nori entrance. We are not talking in here Toni demanded. Austin has had enough in the last 24 hours and she WILL relax today. Carrie suggested that they go on the patio in the back. They walked through the living room that was decked with a cream microfiber and tan leather sectional, a cherrywood entertainment center with a 54 inch plasma television and high-tech sound system, accented so well with pewter framed photos of the girls, their family and friends. Austin’s porcelain dolls were displayed on top of the entertainment center, Carrie’s Barbie dolls were incased in the pewter and glass trunk that doubled as the coffee table and on top was Toni’s crystal figurines.

Each room that was a common area had a touch of the ladies. And one thing was certain they did not live like college students. If you were on the outside looking in you would think they came from money but that was far for the truth. Toni, the oldest of 3 girls born and raised Detroit worked as a nurses assistant 40 plus hours a week since she got to Atlanta. Carrie, and only child born in Tennessee and raised in Philadelphia worked as a supervisor of a call center working almost everyday. She started working part time as a compliance rep and worked her way up. Austin, the baby of 5 born and raised in Cleveland, Ohioo, worked at a sports bar until she won the amateur night at the club and since then became one of the clubs top dancers.

As they exited the kitchen to reach the patio Carrie and Toni sat on the lounge chair and Nori stood nervously in front of them. So spit it out dude because your boy has some… Look Toni I’m not with what he did to her or you guys either and I’m about to tell it all. The girls looked at Nori shocked and confused, is he about to violate the “man law”? Are you snitching, Toni frowned. Give him a chance to speak Toni, God! Carrie tried to do her best to back Nori up. Definitely not snitching but I am not going to continue to sit back and watch him hurt her using the fact that she dances as a excuse. I know everything and I’m telling it all. We all know that she is 100% faithful to him and she never lied to him from day one and he’s been a dog since before that day. They all kind of giggled knowing that Nori was telling the truth.

Toni sorry to tell you but he’s been banging your sisters since we meet them last year. Shyra is all the way bad with it, but he got Reagan too. When they came here for Thanksgiving last year DaVaughn was all in Shyra’s ear and by the time dinner was over she had his number in her phone and they were texting while you guys were putting up the tree. Then he danced with Reagan at the club and by the third song they were in the bathroom. Your sisters be bustin it open dawg! All Toni could do was shake her head. Wow, I’m in total shock, Carrie said hanging on Nori’s every word. Oh and he still mess with his baby’s momma! The girls looked at each other as though their wheels were turning. Dang, haven’t I heard something like that before.

He Can’t be Serious (Part 5)

Hey lil angel! Austin’s whole body got warm and she couldn’t speak Austin Brianna Carlton do you know who this is! Yeah I know…. How, when, where… Hey Charles Ravel Jenkins where in the hell have you been? Angel of mine, I’ve been staying out of the way, working, dating, you knew doing my thing. Austin was so excited to hear from her first true love and childhood best friend. Ravel… I’m on my way into church but please say it would be okay to call you back when I get out? Of course, call me back anytime.

Austin sat in church, but could not focus on the word being delivered. I wonder how he got my number? I wonder if he’s married or has babies? I can’t wait to talk to him, man this guy. She smiled so hard and was so completely wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn’t realize that church service was over. Girl who was that on the phone, Toni and Carrie inquired. My homeboy from my old hood in Cleveland Ravel… Well he goes by Caesar but I’ve always called him Charles Ravel. Dang girl I’m confused what’s his ACTUAL name, Toni joked. The ladies giggled as they got into Austin’s truck. His names is Charles Ravel Jenkins, but everybody called him Caesar. That’s sounds yummy, Carrie said licking her lips. Austin found herself fighting back some jealousy while going into a description of him. He’s he’s he’s fine with infinite F! He’s like six feet with piercingly beautiful brown eyes, smooth brown skin and he’s just fine. Her sister mates could tell that she must’ve felt something for him. You two must have had one hell of a friendship? Toni you don’t even know. You guys always make fun of me about believing in that one perfect man, he is proof that that man is real. Girl bye! You were kids Aussie how could you know love back then, Carrie the momma bear chimed in. He is the reason that I believe in love and that’s it. Austin sat back in her seat covered in her thoughts until the girls pulled up to their condo.

Seriously! Toni was instantly pissed at the sight of DaVaughn sitting on the hood of his mustang with Nori right by his side. I know I just got out of church but I’m about to cuss his ass out. Carrie calmed Toni down, I’m going to handle this just get her in the house. And just that quick the girls whipped into the parking lot next Vaughn and swooped into action. Toni jumped out of the back seat, opened Austin’s door grabbed her and her belongings and moved her towards the house like security. What can I help you with DaVaughn, Carrie questioned? I need to talk to her Cee, that’s it man just talk. Carrie looked through DaVaughn and Nori and simply said NOPE! She walked a behind Toni who was behind Austin. DaVaughn followed behind Carrie as if he was going to make her let him talk to Austin. You ain’t her damn momma, she’s grown so who are you to stop me from talking to her you better move before I move you. Carrie continued strutting in her heels right up to their door. I freaking dare you to try she said as she motioned to close the front door behind her. Nori ran up to the door to grab DaVaughn as he went to kick the door that was just slammed in his face. These broads trying me! She my woman, mine Nori and I need to explain. Let me go in and talk to them just go dude your temper and foul mouth is not going to help the situation at all. Walk away…

DaVaughn seriously dude! Nori convinced Vaughn to get in his car and go. I will get a way back to the house man just go. Nori walked to the door gathering his composer as he knocked on the door. The door flung open revealing Toni and Carrie dressed in sweats, t-shirts and boots. Whoa calm down I come in peace Nori tried to joke. The girls softened a little, especially Carrie who has had a crush on him. What can we do for you, Toni was still ready to attack at any given moment. I would like to talk to you guys please I made him leave and I just want to help.