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Related DOES NOT mean friends

I know I know I know…. family is all you have right? WRONG! A lot of the time family can be your worst enemy. They can cut you down, kick you when you hit the bottom, and shovel the dirt on you even though they see you're still breathing.

I was watching Iyanla Vanzant's show on YouTube and she talked about family being forever relationships, the relationships that you will never, no matter what be able to end. And guess what folks? She is so right, you can't end it but oh you can separate from it.

With that being said what you have to learn to do is love from a distance. You don't have to go to every family gathering, cookout, or get together. And think about how much fun is it really to go somewhere out of obligation. That doesn't mean that you don't love your family it just means you're not friends. There is no secret treaty that says you have that you must be around those that you're related to simply because you're related. You are not required to sit in the negativity of others and allow that mess to seep into your pores. And even if you end up going, if the atmosphere becomes too heavy for your positive vibes it is okay to get up and get gone. You're grown you don't owe anyone any explanation.

There is a saying that I use to this day… "blood only makes you related it does not make you family". In life you figure out the difference between relatives and family. Hell I'm not even related to the majority of my family.

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Soooooooo I turned 38… What’s Next?

This past Saturday I turned 38 years old. So a few days before my birthday I decided to evaluate my life. I thought back twenty years prior and I was fresh out of high school, attempting to get as far away from my family as soon as possible. I wanted to be a successful lawyer, own a mall complex, be married with at least one child. Well, I have only ONE of those things accomplished. For me that was pretty depressing and I almost allowed my crushing thoughts to minimize the fact that I have been blessed with another year of life.

So instead of concentrating on all of my "Don't Gots" I decided to focus on the amazing things I have in my life. I am married to an amazing man who loves me flaws and all, I have a bachelor's degree in legal studies, I am working, though not in my field of study, and I have a great circle of loved ones who accept me for the woman that I am. That should be enough right? NOPE!!!!!!!

But what I can do do the work to make some things happen. I am not going to allow all of the things I don't have to hinder me from getting things that are still available to me. I realized, while having plenty of money would be great it isn't everything. I also realized that I can't be afraid to live my life, my way and blending in is boring. I am going to step out of faith this year. I'm going to speak some things into existence and not be afraid to be great. I'm not going to spend time with people who don't like me in real life because I don't want their drama rubbing off on me. I am going to seek the life I deserve and work hard to obtain all things my heart desire.

So I turned 38… what's next????? EVERYTHING!!!!!

Who Has Time for Grudges

I went on Instagram today and in 11 minutes saw that 2 guys I grew up with were murdered over the weekend…. so I pose this question… who has time for grudges? Why hold on to anger or hate or feelings of ill will for a person because of what you feel they've done wrong to you? Who is that grudge hurting more, them or you?

Read this sentence and if necessary read a thousand more times…. your grudge is only hurting YOU! The person you're upset with has more than likely moved or and/or don't even care enough to remember what they did to you. And you're sitting there rolling or eyes and overly expressing an exaggerated attitude that no one cares about but you. You know what I mean… you're the only sitting at a super bomb ass party big mad, watching everyone enjoy themselves because that one person is there that you refuse to forgive! And I know because I used to be that person. The one that would sit there with my arms folded, face twisted all up, and a mad funky attitude… just waiting for someone to ask me what was wrong. But guess what? No one did! No wanted wanted to sit around the fun stealer when the party was so fun.

So I learned to just let it go. And let me tell you a little #pettyfact 🤷🏽‍♀️, when that person knows they've done you wrong and yet you are still out here living your life that hurts them a million times worst than a grudge. True story, yesterday I was at the gym and I saw an ex that had hurt me really bad. He just left, no reason, explanation, nothing just gone. Now I'd seen him a few times previously but I told myself "what the hell should I speak for, he hurt me" and I would frown my face up and ignored him. But yesterday I walked right over to where he was and spoke. When I tell you I could literally see him lose color in his face (and he's a pretty chocolate guy) I was slightly tickled. And when I walked away I could feel the grudge lifted off of me. And in that moment I thought to myself who has time for grudges?!?!?

So take some time to think about the grudge that you may be harboring. And be honest with yourself about the weight it is actually having on your life. Then do yourself a favor… LET IT GO! Now I'm not telling you that you have to be that persons BFF or even deal with them on a regular basis. However, releasing the energy of that grudge from your spirit simply allows for space for better things.

Celebrity does not mean not human

WE ARE SO DAMN NOSEY!!!!!!! How would you feel if every moment of your life was broadcast for the world to see? How many times would you be in TMZ news if they did a story every time you and your daughters father broke up? Or that the girl you were dating was your brother’s boyfriend’s ex girlfriend? Learn how to mind your own business. 

I mean honestly how in order is your life exactly? Are all of your bills paid? Have you done all that is in your power to make your dream(s) come true? Okay let me start with something a little simpler… have your children had dinner or ate all day for that matter?  Seriously people! Now I understand that these individuals choose to use their talent to entertain the masses but the didn’t sign over their rights to privacy. Let them breathe, let them enjoy life. 

Let’s think about it like this… you work everyday, that is what you choose to do for your money. Then you go home and enjoy your private life. But those two things are separate for the most part. You choose what you do and do not share. So stop freaking stalking these celebrities looking for negativity in their live when you are throwing stones but living in a glass house. In the words of one of the cute little social media sensations “worry bout you self”! Allow these people, these human being to do their job, which is entertain. If they are getting a divorce or cheating or having side babies just remember you don’t know their story. You only know what the blogs, magazines and social media tells you. Even if you see it on their pages it’s only the part they want you to see. You don’t know them and they don’t know you. 

I’ve made the decisionĀ 

I have so many thoughts in my mind, so many issues that I face secretly and I’ve decided that from this point I’m going to begin sharing because maybe just maybe what I am dealing with could help someone else. So I guess I’m going to use my blog as a not so personal journal if you will…. so here goes…..

This week I have been a part of a challenge called “5 days to mindset shift” in a group called the BeFree Project and it has been much more inspiring than what I thought it would be. Now I will be honest I didn’t get into until day two but this is how it worked. The extraordinary young lady that operates the BeFree Project, Siobhan, sends the challenge via email at midnight, each day. Then at 8 pm EST she goes live on Facebook in the BeFree group and discuss the challenge of that particular day. 

Day 2 was mediation, just learning to recharge and regroup. Now I’ve tried mediating before but my mind is always going a million miles a minute so I gave up. Well I tried again and on the first day I could feel how meditation is kind of like hitting the refresh button on your day. That evening we discussed the ways mediation can help in marriage, at work, when you stressed or even completely angry. So I am definitely going to do my best to stay conscious when it comes to mediation as well as just taking a moment to take a deep breath when it is necessary. 

Day 3 was particularly hard for me… no tv! Now I know everyone wants to be a deep as a paper cut šŸ˜ claiming “I don’t watch much tv” . Well guess what? I do! I love the ID channel and I have to have my ratchet reality on Mondays. But I did in fact cut out all television yesterday and instead listened to inspirational readings from Iylana Vanzant and let me just say that lady seems to be reading my life like a book she wrote! The main reason that the challenge was so hard was because my husband watched tv anyway. But I just put my headphones in a went about my marry way. 

Day 4 was clean your work space. Well I am truly grateful for this one because I have a have a new job and finding the right workplace for me has been challenging. This challenge is also about disengaging with the negative people at the workplace. Well at my previous job, a law firm, that would have meant doing some major relocation. But even today at my new job I kind of got sucked into some negative talk. A woman who has been with the company for 3 years talked about how the owner and upper management tends to a a small circle and I will soon be able to tell how the company really is. Well…. please allow me to have a moment of truth here… I should’ve straight out told her, that is your experience not mine! But through mediation, prayer and reading I am getting there. 

All and all this chat has been a great experience of transformation and I am looking forward to seeing all of the changes and difference a deep breath will make. Stay tuned