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I’ve made the decision 

I have so many thoughts in my mind, so many issues that I face secretly and I’ve decided that from this point I’m going to begin sharing because maybe just maybe what I am dealing with could help someone else. So I guess I’m going to use my blog as a not so personal journal if you will…. so here goes…..

This week I have been a part of a challenge called “5 days to mindset shift” in a group called the BeFree Project and it has been much more inspiring than what I thought it would be. Now I will be honest I didn’t get into until day two but this is how it worked. The extraordinary young lady that operates the BeFree Project, Siobhan, sends the challenge via email at midnight, each day. Then at 8 pm EST she goes live on Facebook in the BeFree group and discuss the challenge of that particular day. 

Day 2 was mediation, just learning to recharge and regroup. Now I’ve tried mediating before but my mind is always going a million miles a minute so I gave up. Well I tried again and on the first day I could feel how meditation is kind of like hitting the refresh button on your day. That evening we discussed the ways mediation can help in marriage, at work, when you stressed or even completely angry. So I am definitely going to do my best to stay conscious when it comes to mediation as well as just taking a moment to take a deep breath when it is necessary. 

Day 3 was particularly hard for me… no tv! Now I know everyone wants to be a deep as a paper cut 😏 claiming “I don’t watch much tv” . Well guess what? I do! I love the ID channel and I have to have my ratchet reality on Mondays. But I did in fact cut out all television yesterday and instead listened to inspirational readings from Iylana Vanzant and let me just say that lady seems to be reading my life like a book she wrote! The main reason that the challenge was so hard was because my husband watched tv anyway. But I just put my headphones in a went about my marry way. 

Day 4 was clean your work space. Well I am truly grateful for this one because I have a have a new job and finding the right workplace for me has been challenging. This challenge is also about disengaging with the negative people at the workplace. Well at my previous job, a law firm, that would have meant doing some major relocation. But even today at my new job I kind of got sucked into some negative talk. A woman who has been with the company for 3 years talked about how the owner and upper management tends to a a small circle and I will soon be able to tell how the company really is. Well…. please allow me to have a moment of truth here… I should’ve straight out told her, that is your experience not mine! But through mediation, prayer and reading I am getting there. 

All and all this chat has been a great experience of transformation and I am looking forward to seeing all of the changes and difference a deep breath will make. Stay tuned 

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This Natural Hair Thing

So…… For the last few weeks the Natural Community has been up in arms about who’s considered “natural”. Are white women natural or is it just a black thing, is one considered natural if they have never had a relaxer or is it only when one has transitioned and/or done the big chop?

Well depending on who you are some of these things will qualify a well as disqualify me from #TeamNatural, I consider myself natural all the way. I have been rocking my afro/afro puff for over 10 years now, but I never had a relaxer! However, my hair is thick as ever, some parts in tight coils while other some parts are super curly. My question is if it grew out of my head like this in its natural state then isn’t that my natural hair? I rock wash n go’s, twist outs, afros, Bantu knots and more but because I didn’t go through these unspoken rights of passage then I’m not natural? Really 😏

True story before the Natural Hair Movement took off some years ago I decided to go into a shop and get my hair done. I was a walk in and when a stylist was assigned to me she came to the waiting area to escort me to her chair. I was excited wanting to see what she could do to tame this mane of mine. But as I sat I the chair I looked into the face of the stylist and I could tell SHE WAS NOT READY! She said ummmmm do you have a relaxer. Nope, I replied can’t stand the smell. She walked behind me, stood there for a moment and then removed my cape. I can’t… I don’t know what to do to your hair to tame it other than relax it. Wow my mind was blown, but I thanked her for not wasting my time, went home and pulled this stuff up into a ponytail. Really 😏

Fast ward to not even a year ago. I went to a “natural hair salon” to have my hair done for my Bridal Shower. The stylist took me to her chair, gave me a “hair consult” and began my process. Guess what???? Waste of my time. I looked like Raggedy Ann with curl created using brown gel and flexirods. She saw the look on my face and said well your hair is too fine for natural styles, you should cut it all off and start again. Ummmmmm…. Really 😏

I have cut my hair several times in my life and guess what? It grows back this exact same way because it my natural hair texture. So why can’t my texture be just as celebrated as others? Oh because I’m more 3C than 4C? Why must we always find a way to create a division, some sort of drama and be so against one another? I think that this whole hair typing thing is just as disrespectful as saying “she’s cute for a dark skinned girl”, no fool she’s just cute, you understand where I’m coming from?

I am more than my hair, but my hair is a part of me. And furthermore I was born with this pattern so it’s my natural hair. To me, I’m the definition of natural! The reason why women decide to do the big chop is to achieve what I was blessed with naturally. I’m not throwing shade, I’m just telling my story the best way that I know how. When it’s all said and done I love the #TeamNatural community but I don’t need it to validate my tresses.

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They Don’t Miss A Good Thing Til It’s Gone…. Really?

We have all had our heart broken a time or two or seventeen right? So I’m sure someone has told you “they don’t miss a good thing til it’s gone”. But my question to that is why? Why must I be gone to be appreciated? Why does it take to break me down to see the good in me? Why is it when I move on and have given all my love to someone else you thirst so much for me? Well I am here to break it down so that it can forever and always be broke.

I going to have to take you on a journey from a broken heart to a mended heart for some ground work. There was once a good guy, trying to be great. But along the way he made some serious mistakes. And Instead of allowing those mistakes to make him he choose to allow them to grow him. While making these mistakes he met a young lady who instead of growing with him she choose to attempt to stunt his growth because of his mistakes. So after years of fighting against one another he couldn’t take anymore and he left. With his broken heart shattered like glass in his hands he walked away and to begin to heal.
Now he is growing into a great man and and his heart is mending and he’s ready to place his fragile heart in the hands of another woman.

We all knows the next few steps. If you are honest… Let me repeat IF YOU ARE HONEST… You don’t just tell what they did you also tell what you did. You express that you are serious about wanting to find love and you have grown from the mistakes you’ve made. Then that person makes the choice to attempt to grow with you and sooner or later you two are a couple.

Here’s where it gets interesting… Somehow some way that ex that choose not to forgive, that choose not to see the love in your heart, that choose not to be ready to be ready for what you wanted finds out that you’re trying love again. So you get a call, a text, or maybe even a inbox on Facebook like “Hey… Ummm I haven’t heard from you in a while and just wanted to say hello” (Look at my face 😏).

We all know what that means they know your happy. They know someone is getting at the least what you used to give them if not more. There is a girl cooking for you, adoring you, allowing you to be that great man that you wanted to be. There is a guy that is giving you all of the attention that you desire, who is busy making moves to be great but NEVER too busy for you. Somebody they know saw you holding hands with your new love and you had the nerve to look happy! Who do you think you are.

Now it hits them… That thing… That imaginary thing… That silly thing… That thing that they never told you they wanted and/or needed was in you all along. But wait…. You’re giving it to someone else. Now they are ready to have you all to themselves. They don’t miss a good thing til it’s gone.

They are reaching out to you more and more. They tell you look I know I hurt you. I know I said that I couldn’t forgive you. I know I said I wasn’t ready but I just didn’t know. And I wish that I knew then what I know now. They don’t miss a good thing til it’s gone.

They want you to understand that in real life it wasn’t you it was them. They have been going through it since you left. In their hearts they know that don’t NOBODY do it like you. They don’t miss a good thing til it’s gone.

Most people as I said before are sitting there thinking WHY. Well let me tell you why. They’re selfish, arrogant and completely full of themselves. They don’t want you, they simply don’t want someone else to have you. To them they are thinking in their minds I made him the man he is. I taught her how to love. They never did that with me. So now that they are on the outside holding the hand of misery and they want you to come and join the pity party. So go ahead and be the fool and go back if you want you. And you will see they never missed the good thing that was gone the simply wanted to prove you were never good from the begin!

How Can They Tell You?

In today’s world most people seem to be gaining all of their knowledge from Facebook and Instagram. Seriously, from how to dress to how to become a man’s wife. Whatever happening to living and learning? But instead of stepping out and attempting to do things on their people would rather google it. This is maddening!

Honestly who are they anyway? What are their credentials? What makes them an expert? Think about it… The girl that’s talking about “this is how you keep your man happy” has either NEVER been in a relationship that last more than three months, has six kids by seven different dudes or actually not even into men.

The guy that’s talking about “all I do is get money” can only communicate through social media because he’s stealing his neighbors wifi seeing that his cell actually been off for the last six months, is three years behind in child support but has four pair of true religion jeans and some how is always the first in line when the new J’s come out and lives with his parents but tells the ladies he has “roommates”.

But yet you hang on their every word like their some sort of life coach or Guru. Stop it! You are one of a kind, you are the exception to the rule. They can’t tell you how to live your life unless you let them. Have they been through life exactly how you have? Have they been hurt like you have or struggled in anyway like you have? So who in the HELL are they to tell you how to love, how to live, how to learn? It’s not that serous people it’s just entrainment.