Tag Archive | friendship

Related DOES NOT mean friends

I know I know I know…. family is all you have right? WRONG! A lot of the time family can be your worst enemy. They can cut you down, kick you when you hit the bottom, and shovel the dirt on you even though they see you're still breathing.

I was watching Iyanla Vanzant's show on YouTube and she talked about family being forever relationships, the relationships that you will never, no matter what be able to end. And guess what folks? She is so right, you can't end it but oh you can separate from it.

With that being said what you have to learn to do is love from a distance. You don't have to go to every family gathering, cookout, or get together. And think about how much fun is it really to go somewhere out of obligation. That doesn't mean that you don't love your family it just means you're not friends. There is no secret treaty that says you have that you must be around those that you're related to simply because you're related. You are not required to sit in the negativity of others and allow that mess to seep into your pores. And even if you end up going, if the atmosphere becomes too heavy for your positive vibes it is okay to get up and get gone. You're grown you don't owe anyone any explanation.

There is a saying that I use to this day… "blood only makes you related it does not make you family". In life you figure out the difference between relatives and family. Hell I'm not even related to the majority of my family.

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Soooooooo I turned 38… What’s Next?

This past Saturday I turned 38 years old. So a few days before my birthday I decided to evaluate my life. I thought back twenty years prior and I was fresh out of high school, attempting to get as far away from my family as soon as possible. I wanted to be a successful lawyer, own a mall complex, be married with at least one child. Well, I have only ONE of those things accomplished. For me that was pretty depressing and I almost allowed my crushing thoughts to minimize the fact that I have been blessed with another year of life.

So instead of concentrating on all of my "Don't Gots" I decided to focus on the amazing things I have in my life. I am married to an amazing man who loves me flaws and all, I have a bachelor's degree in legal studies, I am working, though not in my field of study, and I have a great circle of loved ones who accept me for the woman that I am. That should be enough right? NOPE!!!!!!!

But what I can do do the work to make some things happen. I am not going to allow all of the things I don't have to hinder me from getting things that are still available to me. I realized, while having plenty of money would be great it isn't everything. I also realized that I can't be afraid to live my life, my way and blending in is boring. I am going to step out of faith this year. I'm going to speak some things into existence and not be afraid to be great. I'm not going to spend time with people who don't like me in real life because I don't want their drama rubbing off on me. I am going to seek the life I deserve and work hard to obtain all things my heart desire.

So I turned 38… what's next????? EVERYTHING!!!!!

You Better…

I can look over the last five years and say thank God I’m not the woman that I used to be. I can look over the last ten years of my life and be absolutely grateful for my growth. But man people! Yes… People have been trying me lately. Questioning my loyalty, my character and even my love for my husband. Thankfully I have been able to maintain and not flip COMPLETELY out, however you better be careful! Folks are poking the bear, stirring the pot, shaking the table.

Now by no means do I feel as though I am better than anyone. But… I am definitely on a totally different path. I am not doing anything that I do for show, to prove anyone wrong or to paint a pretty picture on a damaged canvas. My life is so far from perfect, but the fact of the matter is I’ve never claimed it to be. My issues run deep but I have never been the one to hide the scars because I learned so much from them. I don’t have to remember what I told one person just so that things can check out with another. I am who I am and that is more than enough for me. So you better look deep within and figure out why no one, including you, knows who you really are.

I was always told that I was too quick to call someone a friend. My mother used to tell me “you don’t have any damn friends”. I hated that, as a kid, but as an adult what she was saying has become completely clear. I tend try to help people and love them where they are NO MATTER WHAT. We’ve all done a thing or thirty two that we are not proud of, so who am I to judge. But some folks simply don’t deserve the time of day. You know the ones that you meet for the first time and you immediately feel as though they’re putting on a show, but you try anyway. I mean you are we to judge. But please know You better stop the act and let the curtain drop on that production of Messy Boats you’re putting on worldwide.

Now… You can say what you want about me but HUNTY when it comes to talking about or even speaking of the love I have for my husband… You best pause and have all the seats… I mean seats to infinite. This man has changed my life in such amazing ways. I’ve loved him since I was in the eighth grade and didn’t even know it. He created my thought and description of how I felt a man should love a woman. He has built me up when I was down, loved me where I was and allowed me to grow. He prays for me and is a true blessing from God above. My husband allowed me to regain my faith, reassuring me that The Lord is on His own time, but when He’s ready prayers will be answered. My husband is proof that there are some awesome men still left in the world. You better know that if you send for him, I’m coming for you! You better believe that what we have is real because God allowed us to deal with the mess so that we would know that we’re blessed.

I’m trying so very hard not to stoop to the low level that people have been trying to make me drop to. You better know that God is still working on me and I’m real close to jumping in feet first to the lowest of the lows. You better know that I have not always been so sweet and kind and I seriously suppressing the Bush in me. You better know that I’m a lady and I’m trying hard not to give you what you’re asking for because in real life you don’t even know!

He Can’t be Serious (Part 4)

Hey. Austin couldn’t tell who’s voice it was, hello who is this? I just wanna say that I love you and I’ve always wanted to whisper those words in your ear as you slept in my arms. I know that will probably never happen now, but I will tell you everything. Who is this? Austin could not identify the voice for the life of her. I’m going to hang up! No please don’t, I’m not a stranger but my love is what you absolutely deserve but I know you’ll never know. You are a work of art in motion, you are love breathing and I adore your air! Austin could not help but to blush, no one has ever talked to her like that. Aussie are you there? Yes I am I just don’t really know what to say to a person that I can’t readily identify. I understand, can you meet me somewhere. Hell no! I don’t know you you’re not about to serial kill me and she immediately hung up.

She sat on the floor and simply listened. She heard the floor creeping, the central air humming, the sound of Toni’s tv playing across the hall, the stairs settling. Austin took it all in, listening to the soft noises of the place she has called home for the last year or so. The girls had not decided if they would sign another lease seeing that graduation is around the corner and they all had no particular plans. There were talks about staying another year to just kinda live before running head first into the careers.

Please God explain to me how one night tears a family completely to shreds. These girls have had my back when my own family deserted me. We have fought together, danced together, studied together… Everything! These ladies have been my everything for the last few years. They’re all that I have and I’m not going to allow a man to come between that bond. Her thoughts were disturbed once again my the buzzing of her phone. What, her frustrations rattled through the phone lines. He’s still messing with his baby’s momma too! Click! Her heart jumped up into her throat and the tears began to fall over her cheeks.

She pulled herself off the floor, still completely dressed, shoes and all and exited her room. She stood the second floor hallway as if she had never been there before. Totally lost and dazed she knocked on Toni’s door, but there was no answer. After a couple of seconds she walked down the stairs and into the living room where her roomies were being watched by the tv as they quietly conversed. Someone just called my phone and told me that DaVaughn is sleeping wit his baby momma. Both Toni and Carrie slightly startled looked over to their sister mate as she was standing at the edge of the sofa with tears crawling down her face. They both set frozen for a moment then jumped to comfort her. Toni Geneva Landers I am sorry she whimpered, it’s not your fault that I have HORRIBLE taste in men. You are my sister and even your trifling ass little sisters are my sisters, but that man is just a boy! When God made that one he did not break the mold. The sister mates burst into laughter and sat together on the couch to discuss their dramatic evening. Wait Aussie who called you and told you. I don’t know, I can’t tell who it is I don’t recognize the voice.

The girls talked into the morning and decided to go to church instead of going to sleep. They took Austin’s truck but Carrie drove. As they pulled into the parking lot of Word of Love Faith Austin’s cell rang. She fished it out of the bottom her purse. Hmmm, it’s a 216 area code, who calling me from home?

He Can’t be serious (part 3)

Baby please let me talk to you, let’s get out of here and I can explain everything. It’s not even what you think for real for real! Austin stood in the door way trying so hard not to throw her book bag at his head! Who in the hell did he think she was, and moreover who in the hell did he think he was! Toni jumped up from the couch and darted at DaVaughn, really punk ass it’s not what she thinks? This drama was really eating at Toni and she was completely fed of with DaVaughn constantly running game on her sister friend. 

He had cheated on her a few times before and the time before finding out about Shyra, DaVaughn had slept with one of the other dancers where Austin worked and almost lost his life over it. Austin was doing her solo performance center stage when the club owner ran into the club screaming call the police, they’re shooting. The girls were ushered backstage by floor security and the club was cleared. Then Austin, while getting dressed to go home received a text from Vaughn saying “she flat out lying”! She was confused until Lorie came in and asked Austin if they could talk “woman to woman”. Austin knew immediately that it was about to be some bullshit. Listen, Lorie said coming off with an attitude, he approached me. He said that he wanted to get to know me a little better and that you were kind of boring in bed. So I’ve been sucking him off in his car for the last month because, well you won’t. Austin laughed at the dusty broad and pushed past her, making sure she added enough force to assure that Lorie hit the wall extra hard. Girl God is saving your life tonight, only if this was a few years ago I would’ve snapped your fucking neck. Austin never even looked in Lorie’s direction as she walked to hall leading away from the dressing room like she was in a runway. 

Well I saw it so what should I think, Toni grunted with anger. With a slick smile on five face DaVaughn questioned, what exactly do you think that you saw Tee? You saw your sister who snuck in Aussie room and tried to rape me? DaVaughn spewed his lies with a straight face. Ha, really you have got to be kidding me brah! No what I saw you caressing your hands through her hair as she laid her head in your lap. And as a recall from the motions her head was making in for damn sure she wasn’t napping! Toni stood there staring at DaVaughn waiting for just one sign to snatch him up. However DaVaughn arrogantly ignored her glare, Aussie please pumpkin let me explain. He reached for her hand attempting to pull her out the door. Austin snapped out of her state of shock, get your nasty, whoring, cheating, filthy, lying ass hands off of me! I must really look like a dumb chick to you. You had sex with Toni’s little sister in my bed, where we lay, where we make love? She scoffed, shook her head and attempted to walk out the door, but DaVaughn blocked her. Vaughn I’m telling you get out of my way, she mumbled through her teeth trying to contain herself.

By this time some of their neighbors started looking out their windows to see what was going on. The girls had moved into their condo cul-de-sac a little over a year ago. All of the condos were duplexes separated by driveways and garages. It was about 15 to 20 units on the street that they lived on in the middle class neighborhood. There were a lot of upperclassmen renting condos in this area and many of them knew Austin, Toni and Carrie. Two boys and a girl that also attended Clark Atlanta lived in the connected duplex. John and James were twins and their younger sister Asia were bringing groceries into the house as the ruckus saw going on.

Hey, one of the guys called out, is everything straight? Mind your business my dude, I can handle mine! DaVaughn turned and yelled at their neighbors. The twins began to walk over to their door, but Carrie waved them off. It’s all good guys, but thanks. I’ll call you if I need you. They slowly moved back towards their home keeping their eyes on DaVaughn.  The girls jumped in DaVaughn’s face in unison, boy you ain’t running a damn thing over here they sang out simultaneously! Carrie and Toni stood in front of Austin as if to block him from reaching for her again. You ARE NOT about to make a scene at my home! Austin caught herself yelling and quickly corrected her tone. So your just going to take this, this, this… This what? Toni interrupted? I want you to call me out of my name, oh boy! PLEASE… Say something foul and you already know!

Austin with a look of scattered emotions tattooed on her face, turned around and headed upstairs to her bedroom. She couldn’t take it anymore, she just wanted to close her eyes on this night and wake and it’s all over. She threw her book bag and purse on the floor and climbed into bed, shoes and all! She was exhausted in every way.

Austin was cradled in her bed attempting to hide herself from the outside world continued to be interrupted by the nagging sound of her cell phone vibrating on her purse against the hardwood floor. Maybe they will stop calling. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, pause. Thank God, they got the hint. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Seriously, clearly I’m not answering the damn phone. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Austin unraveled herself from her fortress of blankets, and blindly searched her dark room for her purse on the floor. After about what seemed like 30 billion calls Austin grumbled into her cell, hello.