Tag Archive | honesty

Related DOES NOT mean friends

I know I know I know…. family is all you have right? WRONG! A lot of the time family can be your worst enemy. They can cut you down, kick you when you hit the bottom, and shovel the dirt on you even though they see you're still breathing.

I was watching Iyanla Vanzant's show on YouTube and she talked about family being forever relationships, the relationships that you will never, no matter what be able to end. And guess what folks? She is so right, you can't end it but oh you can separate from it.

With that being said what you have to learn to do is love from a distance. You don't have to go to every family gathering, cookout, or get together. And think about how much fun is it really to go somewhere out of obligation. That doesn't mean that you don't love your family it just means you're not friends. There is no secret treaty that says you have that you must be around those that you're related to simply because you're related. You are not required to sit in the negativity of others and allow that mess to seep into your pores. And even if you end up going, if the atmosphere becomes too heavy for your positive vibes it is okay to get up and get gone. You're grown you don't owe anyone any explanation.

There is a saying that I use to this day… "blood only makes you related it does not make you family". In life you figure out the difference between relatives and family. Hell I'm not even related to the majority of my family.

Advertisements

Soooooooo I turned 38… What’s Next?

This past Saturday I turned 38 years old. So a few days before my birthday I decided to evaluate my life. I thought back twenty years prior and I was fresh out of high school, attempting to get as far away from my family as soon as possible. I wanted to be a successful lawyer, own a mall complex, be married with at least one child. Well, I have only ONE of those things accomplished. For me that was pretty depressing and I almost allowed my crushing thoughts to minimize the fact that I have been blessed with another year of life.

So instead of concentrating on all of my "Don't Gots" I decided to focus on the amazing things I have in my life. I am married to an amazing man who loves me flaws and all, I have a bachelor's degree in legal studies, I am working, though not in my field of study, and I have a great circle of loved ones who accept me for the woman that I am. That should be enough right? NOPE!!!!!!!

But what I can do do the work to make some things happen. I am not going to allow all of the things I don't have to hinder me from getting things that are still available to me. I realized, while having plenty of money would be great it isn't everything. I also realized that I can't be afraid to live my life, my way and blending in is boring. I am going to step out of faith this year. I'm going to speak some things into existence and not be afraid to be great. I'm not going to spend time with people who don't like me in real life because I don't want their drama rubbing off on me. I am going to seek the life I deserve and work hard to obtain all things my heart desire.

So I turned 38… what's next????? EVERYTHING!!!!!

Who Has Time for Grudges

I went on Instagram today and in 11 minutes saw that 2 guys I grew up with were murdered over the weekend…. so I pose this question… who has time for grudges? Why hold on to anger or hate or feelings of ill will for a person because of what you feel they've done wrong to you? Who is that grudge hurting more, them or you?

Read this sentence and if necessary read a thousand more times…. your grudge is only hurting YOU! The person you're upset with has more than likely moved or and/or don't even care enough to remember what they did to you. And you're sitting there rolling or eyes and overly expressing an exaggerated attitude that no one cares about but you. You know what I mean… you're the only sitting at a super bomb ass party big mad, watching everyone enjoy themselves because that one person is there that you refuse to forgive! And I know because I used to be that person. The one that would sit there with my arms folded, face twisted all up, and a mad funky attitude… just waiting for someone to ask me what was wrong. But guess what? No one did! No wanted wanted to sit around the fun stealer when the party was so fun.

So I learned to just let it go. And let me tell you a little #pettyfact 🤷🏽‍♀️, when that person knows they've done you wrong and yet you are still out here living your life that hurts them a million times worst than a grudge. True story, yesterday I was at the gym and I saw an ex that had hurt me really bad. He just left, no reason, explanation, nothing just gone. Now I'd seen him a few times previously but I told myself "what the hell should I speak for, he hurt me" and I would frown my face up and ignored him. But yesterday I walked right over to where he was and spoke. When I tell you I could literally see him lose color in his face (and he's a pretty chocolate guy) I was slightly tickled. And when I walked away I could feel the grudge lifted off of me. And in that moment I thought to myself who has time for grudges?!?!?

So take some time to think about the grudge that you may be harboring. And be honest with yourself about the weight it is actually having on your life. Then do yourself a favor… LET IT GO! Now I'm not telling you that you have to be that persons BFF or even deal with them on a regular basis. However, releasing the energy of that grudge from your spirit simply allows for space for better things.

You Better…

I can look over the last five years and say thank God I’m not the woman that I used to be. I can look over the last ten years of my life and be absolutely grateful for my growth. But man people! Yes… People have been trying me lately. Questioning my loyalty, my character and even my love for my husband. Thankfully I have been able to maintain and not flip COMPLETELY out, however you better be careful! Folks are poking the bear, stirring the pot, shaking the table.

Now by no means do I feel as though I am better than anyone. But… I am definitely on a totally different path. I am not doing anything that I do for show, to prove anyone wrong or to paint a pretty picture on a damaged canvas. My life is so far from perfect, but the fact of the matter is I’ve never claimed it to be. My issues run deep but I have never been the one to hide the scars because I learned so much from them. I don’t have to remember what I told one person just so that things can check out with another. I am who I am and that is more than enough for me. So you better look deep within and figure out why no one, including you, knows who you really are.

I was always told that I was too quick to call someone a friend. My mother used to tell me “you don’t have any damn friends”. I hated that, as a kid, but as an adult what she was saying has become completely clear. I tend try to help people and love them where they are NO MATTER WHAT. We’ve all done a thing or thirty two that we are not proud of, so who am I to judge. But some folks simply don’t deserve the time of day. You know the ones that you meet for the first time and you immediately feel as though they’re putting on a show, but you try anyway. I mean you are we to judge. But please know You better stop the act and let the curtain drop on that production of Messy Boats you’re putting on worldwide.

Now… You can say what you want about me but HUNTY when it comes to talking about or even speaking of the love I have for my husband… You best pause and have all the seats… I mean seats to infinite. This man has changed my life in such amazing ways. I’ve loved him since I was in the eighth grade and didn’t even know it. He created my thought and description of how I felt a man should love a woman. He has built me up when I was down, loved me where I was and allowed me to grow. He prays for me and is a true blessing from God above. My husband allowed me to regain my faith, reassuring me that The Lord is on His own time, but when He’s ready prayers will be answered. My husband is proof that there are some awesome men still left in the world. You better know that if you send for him, I’m coming for you! You better believe that what we have is real because God allowed us to deal with the mess so that we would know that we’re blessed.

I’m trying so very hard not to stoop to the low level that people have been trying to make me drop to. You better know that God is still working on me and I’m real close to jumping in feet first to the lowest of the lows. You better know that I have not always been so sweet and kind and I seriously suppressing the Bush in me. You better know that I’m a lady and I’m trying hard not to give you what you’re asking for because in real life you don’t even know!

They Don’t Miss A Good Thing Til It’s Gone…. Really?

We have all had our heart broken a time or two or seventeen right? So I’m sure someone has told you “they don’t miss a good thing til it’s gone”. But my question to that is why? Why must I be gone to be appreciated? Why does it take to break me down to see the good in me? Why is it when I move on and have given all my love to someone else you thirst so much for me? Well I am here to break it down so that it can forever and always be broke.

I going to have to take you on a journey from a broken heart to a mended heart for some ground work. There was once a good guy, trying to be great. But along the way he made some serious mistakes. And Instead of allowing those mistakes to make him he choose to allow them to grow him. While making these mistakes he met a young lady who instead of growing with him she choose to attempt to stunt his growth because of his mistakes. So after years of fighting against one another he couldn’t take anymore and he left. With his broken heart shattered like glass in his hands he walked away and to begin to heal.
Now he is growing into a great man and and his heart is mending and he’s ready to place his fragile heart in the hands of another woman.

We all knows the next few steps. If you are honest… Let me repeat IF YOU ARE HONEST… You don’t just tell what they did you also tell what you did. You express that you are serious about wanting to find love and you have grown from the mistakes you’ve made. Then that person makes the choice to attempt to grow with you and sooner or later you two are a couple.

Here’s where it gets interesting… Somehow some way that ex that choose not to forgive, that choose not to see the love in your heart, that choose not to be ready to be ready for what you wanted finds out that you’re trying love again. So you get a call, a text, or maybe even a inbox on Facebook like “Hey… Ummm I haven’t heard from you in a while and just wanted to say hello” (Look at my face ­čśĆ).

We all know what that means they know your happy. They know someone is getting at the least what you used to give them if not more. There is a girl cooking for you, adoring you, allowing you to be that great man that you wanted to be. There is a guy that is giving you all of the attention that you desire, who is busy making moves to be great but NEVER too busy for you. Somebody they know saw you holding hands with your new love and you had the nerve to look happy! Who do you think you are.

Now it hits them… That thing… That imaginary thing… That silly thing… That thing that they never told you they wanted and/or needed was in you all along. But wait…. You’re giving it to someone else. Now they are ready to have you all to themselves. They don’t miss a good thing til it’s gone.

They are reaching out to you more and more. They tell you look I know I hurt you. I know I said that I couldn’t forgive you. I know I said I wasn’t ready but I just didn’t know. And I wish that I knew then what I know now. They don’t miss a good thing til it’s gone.

They want you to understand that in real life it wasn’t you it was them. They have been going through it since you left. In their hearts they know that don’t NOBODY do it like you. They don’t miss a good thing til it’s gone.

Most people as I said before are sitting there thinking WHY. Well let me tell you why. They’re selfish, arrogant and completely full of themselves. They don’t want you, they simply don’t want someone else to have you. To them they are thinking in their minds I made him the man he is. I taught her how to love. They never did that with me. So now that they are on the outside holding the hand of misery and they want you to come and join the pity party. So go ahead and be the fool and go back if you want you. And you will see they never missed the good thing that was gone the simply wanted to prove you were never good from the begin!