I know I know I know…. family is all you have right? WRONG! A lot of the time family can be your worst enemy. They can cut you down, kick you when you hit the bottom, and shovel the dirt on you even though they see you're still breathing.
I was watching Iyanla Vanzant's show on YouTube and she talked about family being forever relationships, the relationships that you will never, no matter what be able to end. And guess what folks? She is so right, you can't end it but oh you can separate from it.
With that being said what you have to learn to do is love from a distance. You don't have to go to every family gathering, cookout, or get together. And think about how much fun is it really to go somewhere out of obligation. That doesn't mean that you don't love your family it just means you're not friends. There is no secret treaty that says you have that you must be around those that you're related to simply because you're related. You are not required to sit in the negativity of others and allow that mess to seep into your pores. And even if you end up going, if the atmosphere becomes too heavy for your positive vibes it is okay to get up and get gone. You're grown you don't owe anyone any explanation.
There is a saying that I use to this day… "blood only makes you related it does not make you family". In life you figure out the difference between relatives and family. Hell I'm not even related to the majority of my family.
This past Saturday I turned 38 years old. So a few days before my birthday I decided to evaluate my life. I thought back twenty years prior and I was fresh out of high school, attempting to get as far away from my family as soon as possible. I wanted to be a successful lawyer, own a mall complex, be married with at least one child. Well, I have only ONE of those things accomplished. For me that was pretty depressing and I almost allowed my crushing thoughts to minimize the fact that I have been blessed with another year of life.
So instead of concentrating on all of my "Don't Gots" I decided to focus on the amazing things I have in my life. I am married to an amazing man who loves me flaws and all, I have a bachelor's degree in legal studies, I am working, though not in my field of study, and I have a great circle of loved ones who accept me for the woman that I am. That should be enough right? NOPE!!!!!!!
But what I can do do the work to make some things happen. I am not going to allow all of the things I don't have to hinder me from getting things that are still available to me. I realized, while having plenty of money would be great it isn't everything. I also realized that I can't be afraid to live my life, my way and blending in is boring. I am going to step out of faith this year. I'm going to speak some things into existence and not be afraid to be great. I'm not going to spend time with people who don't like me in real life because I don't want their drama rubbing off on me. I am going to seek the life I deserve and work hard to obtain all things my heart desire.
I went on Instagram today and in 11 minutes saw that 2 guys I grew up with were murdered over the weekend…. so I pose this question… who has time for grudges? Why hold on to anger or hate or feelings of ill will for a person because of what you feel they've done wrong to you? Who is that grudge hurting more, them or you?
Read this sentence and if necessary read a thousand more times…. your grudge is only hurting YOU! The person you're upset with has more than likely moved or and/or don't even care enough to remember what they did to you. And you're sitting there rolling or eyes and overly expressing an exaggerated attitude that no one cares about but you. You know what I mean… you're the only sitting at a super bomb ass party big mad, watching everyone enjoy themselves because that one person is there that you refuse to forgive! And I know because I used to be that person. The one that would sit there with my arms folded, face twisted all up, and a mad funky attitude… just waiting for someone to ask me what was wrong. But guess what? No one did! No wanted wanted to sit around the fun stealer when the party was so fun.
So I learned to just let it go. And let me tell you a little #pettyfact 🤷🏽♀️, when that person knows they've done you wrong and yet you are still out here living your life that hurts them a million times worst than a grudge. True story, yesterday I was at the gym and I saw an ex that had hurt me really bad. He just left, no reason, explanation, nothing just gone. Now I'd seen him a few times previously but I told myself "what the hell should I speak for, he hurt me" and I would frown my face up and ignored him. But yesterday I walked right over to where he was and spoke. When I tell you I could literally see him lose color in his face (and he's a pretty chocolate guy) I was slightly tickled. And when I walked away I could feel the grudge lifted off of me. And in that moment I thought to myself who has time for grudges?!?!?
So take some time to think about the grudge that you may be harboring. And be honest with yourself about the weight it is actually having on your life. Then do yourself a favor… LET IT GO! Now I'm not telling you that you have to be that persons BFF or even deal with them on a regular basis. However, releasing the energy of that grudge from your spirit simply allows for space for better things.
I’m going to get straight to the point…. I used to be a mess. I mean HOT MESS! And I know that but I am willing to admit it. To me it is a part of growing up and is what helped to sculpt the woman that I am today. However some people want to act as though their lives are squeaky clean when they are right next to me doing ALL THE DIRT (don’t worry, I won’t name names). I am not ashamed of the things that I did. Instead I choose to be grateful for the lessons that I received from my past.
As the old saying goes if you ask a girl how many men she had sex with and she gives you a number, you’re suppose to double it. I say mind your DAYUM business. It’s no ones business but mine and God who I slept with. I’ve been tested and thank The Lord He decided to keep me with a clean bill of health during my dirty past. I will say this though I regret many of my sexual partners not because the sex was bad, but because I was looking for love and yet settling for sex. And after a while it made me detach myself from sex all together. And now the woman that I am has to fight not to connect sex with hurt as a did when I was a girl.
You ask have I been a “side chick”? Yep sure have and I thought for sure that guy was going to leave his wife for me…. He did and then got a girl pregnant while we were together. How dare I think that how I got him wouldn’t be the way that I lost him. See the girl that I was wanted something real and honestly I felt that the only way that I would have it would be to take it… WRONG because that mess broke me down to my lowest low and I only had God in my corner. But that situation knocked that girl to her knees and made me a praying woman.
As a girl I would go from five to five million in three seconds flat. I would fight boys, girls, football teams or whoever (those of you who were there knows exactly what I’m talking about 🙈). I would cuss you out quick and did not care who you were or what consequences I faced. Now don’t get me wrong it is a struggle as a woman not to check EVERYBODY. But what I learned from being the “girl they knew would flip” is that people want you to flip and do their dirty work. Nope, not anymore… I will tell you in a minute call the police on their behind. Every once and a while I will get somebody together but I don’t have to put my hands on them. If I have to I will verbally assault you and your feeling without one curse word or raising my voice with a smile on my face. Being that girl that would flip taught me as a woman to pick my battles wisely and that ignoring certain things doesn’t make me a punk.
These are just a few things that the girl I used to be would do. But there is plenty more where that came from. I’m sure you get the picture though. I lived, I learned and I love the woman that I am. So R. I. P. to that girl I used to be!
Five of the hardest words but so easily said. The biggest question of your faith… Let Go and Let God!
You want everything to go your way right away like Burger King, but it never happens that way. Then someone tells you Let go and Let God. Doesn’t that tick you off???? It’s like you are going through major Hell and someone thinks its just that simple right?
But the sad part about it is that it IS that simple! I am learning still today how to execute this. And I must say this is the hardest lesson in life that I’m learning. I don’t know about you but I don’t know how to let go. I’ve been doing things all on my own (or so I thought) my whole life and if things aren’t going right then I must take action. The issue here is not the fact that I must take action… It is the action or actions that I take. Instead of getting on my knees and seeking God I go out and seek results. That’s not letting go that’s just going!
But the true lesson to be learned is that God is a God that answers prayers. Not only does He answer them, He answers them INDEED… Do you understand what that is? Well please allow me to elaborate… When you seek His faith, His guidance, His understanding By giving it… Truly giving it over to Him, He will bless you beyond measures!